When Grief, Cancer and a Pandemic Collide

CLIENT SPOTLIGHT: DIANE BAILEY

For 66-year-old Diane Bailey of St. Louis, it seemed like life couldn't possibly get any tougher after losing her husband to congestive heart failure in 2019.

His death happened suddenly, and it occurred two days after the anniversary of their daughter's passing from Leukemia almost two decades prior. A retired teacher and grandmother of six, Bailey was devastated. So her other daughter, who lives in Texas, asked her mom to stay with her and her newborn baby for the holidays that winter. 

“My husband’s death hit us very hard — his funeral service was only days after (my daughter’s),” Bailey said. “So I said, ‘Sure, I’ll come to Texas — that’ll give me a chance to give myself a break away from here.’”

Unfortunately for Bailey, she couldn’t escape the additional hardship heading for her after a mammogram she got days before her trip detected a 3-centimeter nodule on her breast. A biopsy conducted when she returned to Missouri in early 2020 confirmed it was Stage 1 breast cancer. Bailey needed surgery to remove it followed by months of chemotherapy and radiation at St. Louis Cancer Center and SSM DePaul.

“My philosophy back in my early years was, ‘What I don’t know won’t hurt me,’” Bailey said. “But I’ve come to realize it will hurt you if you don’t check it out. … 

“I caught it in time, and I was really grateful for that.”

Bailey’s prognosis didn’t catch her totally off guard. Some two decades prior, she had experienced a similar scare one week after marrying her late husband when doctors found a lump on Bailey’s breast. They removed it and, fortunately, that one wasn’t cancerous. But Bailey was warned that she may not be spared from cancer forever. 

 “We counted a little blessing, but they had told me that — eventually at some point in my life — it would return,” Bailey said. “I accepted that.”

In February of 2020, Bailey was suddenly tasked with processing the recent death of her husband as well as a cancer diagnosis. If that weren’t enough, the entire world was beginning to turn upside down in sync with Bailey’s as the pandemic started to unfold in the United States. As a result, Bailey’s daughter in Texas couldn’t travel to be with her mom. 

 Adding to that isolation was a lack of understanding from some of Bailey’s friends, who didn’t see the value in talking about Bailey’s diagnosis. 

 “One friend kept saying, ‘Why do you keep saying you have breast cancer?’” Bailey said. “I want it called out, that’s what I have — I’m not ashamed of it. … Those people you have to let go.”

Fortunately for Bailey, she had her son — as well as other more supportive friends — nearby to help her through her battle. After her second surgery to remove the cancer, Bailey underwent chemotherapy that left her with mouth sores so painful she couldn’t drink or eat. Her late husband’s best friend brought her groceries, but Bailey struggled to utilize that kindness. 

“I was telling him it made no sense to get groceries when I’m not eating,” Bailey said, to which he replied, “‘You need to eat something.’”

Bailey shed weight until she dropped to under 100 pounds — her clothes size plunging from a 14 to a 6. Her weakness from treatment combined with her neuropathy made even the simplest tasks extraordinarily difficult. 

“If something fell to the floor, that’s where it stayed until somebody came by to pick it up for me,” Bailey said. “I didn’t use dishes. Everything was microwavable and went straight to the trash.”

 Eating was hard enough for Bailey, let alone having to prepare the food. Then, Bailey learned of Pink Ribbon Girls and its free direct services for women suffering from breast and gynecological cancers. She began receiving healthy meals delivered to her door beginning in March of 2021. 

 Her favorites were the pancakes and omelets for breakfast as well as the wild rice with chicken for lunch or dinner.

Bailey said her only regret is that she wasn’t aware of the other services Pink Ribbon Girls offered, such as free rides to treatment, house cleaning services and peer support events that connect survivors with one another. 

“I didn’t know I had all that help (available to me),” Bailey said. “If you don’t search for it or if you don’t have anybody share it with you, you never know.” 

Now, Bailey wants other women battling cancer to know help is out there, and they’re not alone. That was never more clear to Bailey than when she attended PRG’s Survivor Celebration & Warrior Walk at St. Louis Premium Outlets on June 4 — days removed from finishing her last treatment. Bailey was cancer-free. 

 Clad from head to toe in pink — from the bandana wrapped around her short hair to the shoes and socks on her feet — Bailey arrived at the celebration with her son. She gets emotional talking about the experience of being around so many other women who have battled cancer and won.

“They looked so healthy, so vibrant — they can show you that you can make it,” Bailey said. “When I attended the celebration, it really brought it home. I was just totally in amazement.”

Bailey turned 66 on Saturday, Aug. 28, and she recently saw her daughter for the first time since Christmas of 2019. 

Her advice to women diagnosed with cancer is to seek out sources of support, and don’t be afraid to lean on them. 

“When you have family who can be supportive of you regardless, hold onto it,” Bailey said. “You’ve got people who love you and care about you. … 

“I just want to be an encouragement to somebody else.”