Divorce, diagnosis and dating with scars

Tracy Severson started a new job and filed for divorce from her husband of 30 years in the fall of 2020. 

Meanwhile, the pandemic was raging. It was an overwhelming time for Tracy, 58, of Columbus. Then, when it seemed like things couldn’t possibly get any more challenging, Tracy was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer in the spring.

“Diagnosis, divorce, pandemic – it was a lot going on,” Tracy says. “Too much.”

Tracy’s life had been flipped upside down in a span of months but, thanks to Pink Ribbon Girls, she didn’t have to go through it alone. Tracy was connected with a fellow PRG client who had a similar diagnosis and reconstruction path through PRG’s mentor program. Tracy’s mentor, Heather, had even more in common with Tracy than just the diagnosis. She was also single. 

Heather helped Tracy navigate not only breast cancer but also dating after divorce and diagnosis. 

“I’m like, ‘What’s it like dating again after you have some scars?’” Tracy says. “Those are the kinds of questions you have to ask that aren't medical, but are really important for quality of life.”

‘Something was wrong’

Tracy is a petite woman, so she quickly noticed the sudden emergence of a golf ball-sized lump on her left breast in September of 2020. She immediately made an appointment and received an ultrasound. Her doctor told her that it was just a mass of dense tissue — nothing to fear — and advised her to return for a check-in six months later.

That was a huge relief. Tracy, who works in finance, had just started a new job the month before, and her marriage was coming to an end. She had enough on her plate.

As instructed, Tracy returned for a follow-up in May of 2021 and, this time, her doctor wasn’t so reassuring.

“I said, ‘It looks a little different than it did six months ago,’ and then boom, the radiologist came in with her team and they did the biopsy,” Tracy says. “I could tell by her face something was wrong.”

‘A screeching halt’

Tracy was diagnosed with invasive lobular Stage 1B breast cancer. Her husband had just moved out of the house she was sharing with her two children, and Tracy didn’t have any other family in the area. She knew she would need support to get through this. 

Fortunately for Tracy, she was referred to Pink Ribbon Girls early in her cancer journey. She began receiving PRG’s free meals for herself and her kids delivered right to her doorstep, relieving Tracy of the burden of cooking throughout her treatment. PRG worked with Tracy’s food allergies and gluten and dairy-free requirements. 

Tracy also got a free kit of all-natural cleaning products and a lightweight vacuum, which PRG began providing clients in lieu of in-person house-cleaning services during the pandemic. 

“I’m the mom who takes care of everything, and then it just came to a screeching halt,” Tracy says. “(PRG) thought of everything – physical support and emotional support. My kids were excited to receive the food box each week.”

Shortly after getting signed up for the meals program, Tracy received a call from PRG Director of Education & Peer Support Jan Middleton about also having a mentor. Tracy was assigned to Heather, who reached out immediately to invite Tracy on a hike at a local park the following weekend. Two other PRG clients joined them.

Tracy remembers it was a beautiful day — not too hot for a spring afternoon. Their route took them through the woods and along the water. Although Tracy’s surroundings couldn’t have been more tranquil, what was going on inside her head was anything but. 

“I was just spewing words,” Tracy says. “I felt like I bombarded and peppered them with questions.”

Tracy wanted to know everything: What should she expect with surgery? What did she need for recovery – a recliner, mastectomy pillows, an apron for the drainage tubes? How much pain was in store for her? How would she manage the side effects of the hormone therapy, such as hot flashes and brain fog? How would she tell her family she had cancer? How should she tell her new boss?

Tracy felt self-conscious about her frantic chatter, but her new PRG family quickly put her mind at ease.

“They just let me get it out and ask question after question,” Tracy says. “They were like, ‘We had the same questions as you.’ It was just beyond helpful having the support of people who have walked in your shoes.”

‘Is this normal?’

Tracy had a nipple-sparing mastectomy in June followed by 25 rounds of radiation. She certainly had her low points. While she doesn’t consider herself to be much of a crier, she says she cried every day the week she returned to work. 

“I talked to my PRG posse, and I was like, ‘I'm falling apart, what’s wrong with me?’” Tracy recalls, to which their answer was, “‘Nothing. This is normal.’”

Tracy was also newly single and ready to date again after healing from her surgery. She got on a dating app for the first time in November of 2021. Like cancer, this was equally unfamiliar territory. Tracy was with her husband for 36 years — she hadn’t been on a first date in almost four decades. Her body also wasn’t the same after treatment. 

Heather knew exactly what Tracy was going through, and she was an invaluable resource as Tracy tried to make sense of this new world of online dating. When the first man Tracy matched with on an app asked her on a date two days later, Heather was the first person Tracy texted. 

“I'm like, ‘Is this normal? It feels too nice, too fast,’” Tracy says. “I had no idea what I was doing. I was such a novice.”

Tracy felt like she could talk to Heather about anything, including sex and intimacy after cancer. Tracy had read articles about such topics but didn’t connect with the content – it was too dry and clinical. Hearing Heather’s first-hand experiences was the kind of knowledge that helped Tracy feel more comfortable and prepared for those conversations and experiences with future partners. 

“With the doctors, they give you doctor answers,” Tracy says. “With Heather, I had very specific questions about dating and being intimate again where I was like, ‘I don't know who else to ask.’ … It was serendipitous. Heather was exactly the right mentor that I needed.” 

‘I’ll be here for you’

Tracy is now one year removed from her diagnosis, and she is cancer-free. She is feeling settled in her new job and in life in general. Her divorce is finalized, and she is in a new relationship with a man who makes her happy. 

“I’m in a really good place now,” Tracy says. “Without the Pink Ribbon Girls, I truly don't think I would have gotten through this as well. I felt cared for and loved and supported by them.”

Tracy still keeps in touch with Heather and the rest of her PRG posse who were there for her when she needed them the most. 

Tracy says she looks forward to being a PRG mentor for someone else someday. She wants anyone going through a recent diagnosis to know there is support out there waiting for them. 

“I will be here as a mentor for whatever you need,” Tracy says. “If you just want to cry, you want to talk, you want to go to lunch, you want to scream, I'll be here for you. Please don't go through this alone.”